Looking into the eyes of death and at a puppy who should have had a better life
Don't let this one have the same destiny as our lil one above
The good news is is that we had 10 volunteers which is GREAT!! We got so much done and everyone was so cool and helpful!!
Star so fittingly named...She is a sweetheart!
Today was our monthly visit to Tsaotun and the good news was that there were TEN of us which is really good!!
The bad news is...we all witnessed a puppy die right before our eyes. It was the most helpless feeling I've EVER felt...
We found her lying on her side in a cage twitching...we were speechless and one of us said maybe we should pick her up and hold her to just to give her some contact. The move itself was enough as she was being picked up (slowly and carefully I might add) it must have been too much for her as she stiffened and then seemed comatose urinating and drooling...we laid her in a plastic chair and wrapped her in an apron. There was nothing we could do. She had passed on.
I remember coming to the shelter and she was always so scared and would run away from me. Vicky picked her up once a few months back and held her and cuddled with her and I had been wanting to do the same as I really thought she had a chance (and her brothers) of being re-homed.
The Ai-xin mama said no dog had bitten her so her cause of death is unknown. I have a theory that maybe because she was smaller and more afraid than the other dogs that maybe she didn't get any food or nourishment because as they say for packs "Survival of the fittest" and she might have been a weak link...Someone asked me if maybe I would want students to perform an autopsy on her and actually I would because if it really is a sickness or a disease we can prevent the other dogs from getting sick or even an outbreak...1 deceased dog is wretched enough but more than one is unspeakable!!!! I love these dogs and want them to be fostered and re-homed! That's why we have volunteers walk them so they can get used to being walked.
The odd thing is is that a few nights ago I had a dream about a wedding. My mom said that there is a superstition that if you dream of a wedding that a death will soon take place and vice versa. After I had this dream, I was so panicked that that death might be one of my family members as a couple of them have been sick.
I believe this superstition because a few years back I had a nightmare that my mom was killed and I woke up screaming and crying...I called my mom from Ohio to all the way in Holland to see if she was ok and she said that it meant a wedding would take place soon...a few days later, my boyfriend at the time and I had attended a friend's sister's wedding...
Every time someone or something I see or know dies, I feel like a part of me dies. It lasts for some time but then like a new seed that was replanted the rebirth germinates and something good always makes that seed grow into a beautiful flower until once again that flower in me dies...it is an emotional cycle of birth, life and death and re-birth. Right now I feel death and am mourning. I came home and hugged Xiao Mai and enjoyed every moment bathing her, blowdrying her and feeding her her chickenbacks (as she is now on the BARF diet which is a raw food diet to benefit dog's health and it works) and watching her sleep in her lil bed.
It's only been a couple weeks but I love her so much and after seeing that lil one pass on...I am so worried about her Ehrlichia and just want the best for her! She has become one of the family!!
I am so mad at myself that I focus too much on the active dogs like Star, Arielle, Mr. B and Colin and Colleen but I don't pay the other ones more attention. I shouldn't have given up on her and kept trying to get her to cuddle her.
