Contemplating Bad Karma, the Aftermath and the Not-So Logical Solution

I've been unbelievably stressed and busy and worried these past few months. That has caused me to turn into a complete and utter bitch and quite unhappy with everything and everyone ESPECIALLY myself.

I have offended people with my sarcastic jokes and comments. For example, last Friday, Hino and I went to get boiled food. They have the food out so that you can pick what you want and of course like any place in Taiwan, they have duck's blood things, blood rice things, chicken butts, chicken feet, etc etc.

Anyway, I noticed the chicken feet were de-clawed and they looked like long human fingers with only 3 attached...like alien's hands or something. So I made my hand look like one and put in Hino's face and made my fake chicken feet hand say "Hello" to Hino and then accidentally showed my cringe of disgust to the boiled food woman vendor. Hino was so embarrassed and got so pissed at me for my utter rudeness that he lectured me all the way home like a mom.

The BRUTAL truth is, I am going through delayed culture shock. Usually people here get it about 3-4 months upon living in Taiwan. I got my culture shock after living here a year and 4 months.

(Let's just note I wrote a few things that really pissed me off but I deleted it to be a civil and fair person and the point of this blog is to help me get over my anger, not worsen it. I will leave it to your imagination as to what I wrote, but I will give you a hint: selfish, ignorant drivers and the headgames professional people play are just a couple of MANY...)

So all this has caused some things to go wrong in my life recently, that I really needed to go right. I call this the effect of bad karma and now I'm trying to reverse the effect into a positive one so that I can get the two MAJOR things that could really turn my life around for the best! And not only that, but to stop being a person no one wants to be around and to be a BETTER person.

So, I've decided to go the spiritual route. I know my Christian and non-religious friends will laugh and mock me, but since I've been going to the temple (and yes, I actually DO pray at the temples) it just works for me!

So now...I am going to go to the big Taoist temple tomorrow on Jhong Ming South Road and pray and offer some kind of really good offering (well, probably 2: 1 as a thank-you and one as the offering to help me with my situations and Hino's as well as my family, friends and his)
Laugh and mock all you want, but I am actually a believer. Read back on my old blog entries(I think???) and you will see an entry about a fortune that I got at the Buddhist Temple in Amsterdam about what I interpreted it as going to Asia and Taiwan...
Not sure what higher force is at work, but whatever it does, it motivates me to work hard, to get the job done and get what I want and in a positive way. Actually, I'm not expecting Buddha or Guanyin to just hand it to me..of course not!! But maybe to help give me strength and patience or something like that so that I can use what I have to make things work for the best and in my favor.

Ok, now that I just emptied my head, I'm even more exhausted and am going to read "The Book Thief". Although, I wanted to write more and my head isn't completely empty. There are other things I want to say, but those will have to wait.

Pink Floyd Alliterations and More Yoga Talk

From: Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in the Wall pt.2" from the album "The Wall"

We don't need no education
We don’t need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teachers leave them kids alone
Hey! Teacher! Leave them kids alone!
All in all it's just another brick in the wall.
All in all you're just another brick in the wall.

I think at some point every teacher considers these lyrics and wonder if they really are "just another brick in the wall"


This is one of my fears and it worries me...I'm afraid I'm losing all creativity, imagination and energy and that's the last thing I want!


Ok, that's enough of that :)

One last thing before I TRY to go to bed....

I LOVE Yoga!!! I can't wait to not be so busy and have more time for Yoga...My Yoga instructors are GREAT and I am SLOWLY becoming more flexible than I did when I took dance as a kid!!!!!


And Bikram "Hot" Yoga really helps my body loosen up and go into poses(Asanas) deeper!!!


I...am...addicted!!!!


I have sooooooooooooo much more to say but VERY little time so hopefully it will all be posted here in due time. Thanks for your patience!

Namaste!

My Late Night Off-the-Wall Reincarnation Theory

I wanted to post a nice, sentimental blog about my weekend reuniting with Toby, the dog I tried to find a home for, in his new home and all that, but have decided to put that on my Taiwan Dog Blog when I have time.

For the record, I am neither high NOR drunk...just a little silly :P

While I was in the bathroom, just 10 minutes ago, I was thinking about how I have these fascinations with Asian culture: Indian, Chinese, Taiwanese and Japanese to name a couple. I jokingly thought to myself, "I must have been Indian or Chinese or Japanese in a past life!" But then I remembered back in uni when I was in Kung Fu and my instructors telling me that I have a special knack for Kung Fu (I'm totally serious, by the way for you non-believers). I was OK with Butterfly Knives, but ended up bailing on them because I felt bad because they let me do the lessons for free since I didn't have the money.

Anyway, this got me thinking about the painting"Ophelia" from the 1800's in France by one Antoine Auguste Ernest Hebert
My dad found this picture and well..it's me! The eyes are the proof! Every time I looked at this picture I always romantically imagined being Hebert's young French muse in character as the one woman I always empathized with (until a few years ago). But now I don't think it was me. Or my soul that is. Yeah maybe it was my body, but someone else's soul or existence.

This is my theory in a nutshell: We are born and then we die. But when we die, somehow our bodies are copied or clones or magically duplicated (or something-haven't worked out those details yet). Our old bodies stay in the ground, but the new bodies somehow reappear and the life process happens again. Except-our souls or existences or whatever they are are put into another person's body....or being's body.

Sounds crazy?? Well...yeah...it's my late night off-the-wall theory! I've had these since I was a child and that has what made me what my friends in school called me: strange. Who knows if it's true or not but it's an idea that was just passing by in my head and I thought I'd share it!

The greatest, most famous and brilliant people had and have utterly strange, out-of-this-world and impossible ideas and MOST have turned out to either be true or successful or both.

How boring would it be if my blog was about a dull daily routine or about what person that you don't know or care about gave me "drama"?? My imagination has ALWAYS run away with me and even though I'm 28-years-old, nothing has changed and I am here to share that runaway imagination with you!

I'm off to read a bit of "The Kite Runner" since my insomnia is back with a vengeance...

Finding my Inner Peace and Calm

Due to personal reasons, I made a VERY spontaneous decision last Wednesday...to take Yoga lessons.

Actually it's not all that spontaneous, I've been wanting to do this since I was in High School, but in high school my dad never let me because I had a tendency to take something and quit right away (except for singing) plus I am one of those people who want to do EVERYTHING!

This decision came upon me after some stress issues that I've been experiencing. It's just a decision that I feel I need to do!

Some friends mentioned buying a Wii and doing Wii fit...and actually that was my original plan, but right now I need to get out of my apartment-that is the main goal.

So I signed up at True Yoga. Hino freaked(only because he is a "I got my schedule and plan and I HAVE TO FOLLOW IT" person and I...well..am not anymore) because I am paying for these Yoga lessons with a lot of my money that was to go to my new apartment and yeah, it probably was irresponsible, but at this point in my life I feel 200% sure that it was worth it...Actually I've been saving and saving so I still have sufficient funds for apartment, rent and food (So mom no worries!!) I just won't be able to go to IKEA until I actually do get my apartment(or after) is all...

As for the Yoga, I've never thought something so simple as sitting on a mat, doing stretches and sometimes chanting "OM" would make me feel so calm and relaxed...It's like going on vacation 2-3 times a week. Which was another thing. I could spend about the same amount of money and go to Thailand or Japan for a couple days to relax, but then have to come back....with Yoga, this is long term and is a kind of therapy. I want to travel Asia, but I've been letting myself go for too long and I NEED to work on ME first!

Not only do they have Yoga, but they have Belly Dancing, Salsa and other dance classes!

And..when I get more in shape then I can do "Hot Yoga" which is intense yoga with the room temperature raised!


Anyway, this is something I've always wanted and it feels great!!

On another note, we went to Tsaotun on Sunday and ten of us went to clean the shelter! We took some of the dogs on a walk and it was great! I'll post it on my Taiwan Dog Blog.

Well...more news on Yoga later!

Movies I Want to See & Books I Want to Read

Not much has been happening to me besides working. I went to Dajia to the Matsu (goddess of the sea and sailors) with Hino and his friends on Saturday. On Saturday evening, Hino, Tania (a good friend of ours along with her husband , Trent) went to the Lantern Festival on Wen Shin. It was a disappointment. TOO MANY people and TOO FEW lanterns and food stalls.

On Sunday, we had a Taichung PAWS meeting which I will try to find a way to post the results from the meeting. That will be posted on Bre's Taiwan Dog Blog (http://taiwandogblog.blogspot.com).

Since I don't have much to say besides my sudden obsession with wanting a new apartment(a.k.a. a home), a tugou/Formosan dog to take care of in said apartment and constantly looking and shopping for things for my apartment like a bread maker, a washer and other appliances I never cared about before. I think it's safe to say that I'm going through "Kitchen Withdrawal" ...I NEED a kitchen!!!

And since that stuff is boring for a blog, I decided to make a list of movies I want to see after seeing CNN's The Screening Room episode on the Sundance Film Festival.

Movies I've been wanting to see:

• The Good German (halfway through the book)
• Valkyrie (have been reading a lot of WWII books lately)
• Sicko
• 10 Promises to My Dog
• Slumdog Millionaire

Sundance movies:

• Rudo y Cursi
• Push
• We Live in Public

DVDs I want:

• Little Britain
• Absolutely Fabulous
• Dogtown (Best Friends Animal Network)

Books I am reading now:

• The Good German (halfway through)
• Be the Pack Leader
• Siddhartha

My list of books just waiting to be read:

• Dogtown (a book from the Best Friends Animal Network)
• The Lost Continent-Travels in Small Town America by Bill Bryson
• The Book Thief by Markus Zusack
• Shanghai Baby by Wei Hui
• Development and Practice of Humanitarian Buddhism
• Oracle Bones- A Journey Through Time in China by Peter Hessler (seeing as it is almost 500 pages, I might let someone borrow it first before I read it)

Books I've read before and want to read again:

• Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl

Some books I've read and suggest reading:

• Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
• Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl
• The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff
• The Te of Piglet by Benjamin Hoff
• The Secret by Rhonda Byrne
• The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupery
• Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut
• Cesar's Way by Cesar Millan (and when you're finished with that make sure to read his next book, Be the Pack Leader)

Well, that's all for now! I hope my life will get more interesting so I can post more and I will get the Dajia pics up soon!

Taking the Good with the Bad

I've been pretty stressed for a while now and as you can tell it has been built up. That last post was right after a breakdown I had (PMS also played a BIG part in that as well). I have been an absolute SUPER bitch these past two weeks to EVERYONE and am surprised I still have friends and a boyfriend left!

Anyways, last week was the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. On Sunday, I went to Ming Chia Mei and went on a cleaning supply shopping spree(Well...not really, but bought a few things). I FINALLY found a product that cleans the bathroom tiles so Hino helped me on Sunday to do that. He was AWESOME! He cleaned my bathroom of ALMOST all the mold and yucky stuff while I organized my closet, cleaned the mold off the NON-bathroom walls and arranged some things. the reason why he cleaned almost and not all was because I told him to stop. The product is basically bleach and even with my little window open, he was starting to feel dizzy so I made him stop.

During that time I got an SMS from a friend that Géant was having a sale on Flat Screen TVs and there was a 32" for only NT$9998 (€230) so while were waiting for the bathroom to dry, Hino took me there and I ended up finding a nice Ben Q 32" HDMI for about NT$14,000 (€320). I was trying to decide which one to buy and thought since I'm here and want to stay here at least a couple years, the Ben Q would be nicer. Plus, the TV that came with the apartment was blurry and hard to read and when it's cold blurs even more and frosts over..haha! Sooo...the TV came yesterday and it is sooo nice! I even stayed up to watch Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I have a Dream" speech on CNN and watching it on the flat screen was amazing!!

Buying a flat screen might sound odd for someone who is "just" an English teacher, but I am going to move out soon and since my horoscope is Cancer I NEED to have a comfy home...if I don't have a comfy home, then I usually have breakdowns like the one last week. I don't get out at all during the week and come home at like 21:30-22:00 from work almost every night and when I come home, I just want to veg out.

I also ended up buying a heater for my apartment which should come today. In Holland, it is cold from October to May pretty much and sometimes year round so central heating is necessary. But in Taiwan it is only cold for a couple months so places don't have central heating. But the past couple weeks have been REALLY cold at night..like 6 degrees celsius and like I said in my last post, there seems to be a lot of moisture in my apartment and I think a heater will dry things out and maybe keep me from being sick the ENTIRE winter..like me last year and like my colleagues now..ALWAYS sick!

Speaking of sick, I went to an ENT doctor last Friday because I had probably the worst sinus headache I had ever had. I've had sinus problems my whole life and Taiwan has made them worse!! He told me I have Acute Sinusitis and gave me antibiotics. Guess what the two of many contributions to Sinusitis are: Pollution and Mold...Gee! Not like I come in contact with those EVERY DAY!! So, my mom bought me a Neti Pot in the States and will be sending it to me.

What is a neti pot you ask? Well it's basically a teapot/genie lamp used for nasal irrigation for..well..Sinusitis. It's an Ayurvedic method and I've been wanting to get in to more Ayurvedic methods and cooking for a while now. Here's a link:

http://www.himalayaninstitute.org/store/product/d0e29a4e-507c-417e-86d0-f5c05320fbbe.aspx

Here's some possibly disgusting but perfect demonstration images of what it does:

http://images.google.com/images?q=neti+pot+images&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-GB:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&resnum=1&ct=title


Last thing I wanted to mention before I go relax with my cup of Vanilla Chai Tea is something that dawned on me yesterday...
Yesterday after my first shift, I raced home from work cursing and swearing at the Taiwanese drivers thinking how I wanted to have EVERYONE banned from the road. I went to go park my scooter at my apartment and walk to my other school and along the way saw a dead rabbit in the middle of the road. There was no one around and I couldn't see any damage, but I could tell it wasn't breathing. I poked it ever so softly with my foot in case it was just sleeping...HOPING it would wake up and hop off...but it didn't. I am OVER-emotional and seeing something like that always makes me feel sooooooo bad! It didn't look run over...but it still made me really upset.

I began thinking that maybe someone was cruel and threw it out or abused it for fun and then I got so angry. I began thinking "What the hell am I doing here, if these people have ABSOLUTELY NO REGARD for anything...ESPECIALLY animals and their OWN children!!!!" The way they treat dogs and cats is horrendous. They cut off shark fins just to make a fancy soup and let the shark (which is endangered) die off to extinction. "Why am I here?!?!"

Then it hit me. I remembered that fortune I got from the Buddhist Temple in Amsterdam about how I was to feel welcome in Buddha's land and etc. and how when I got that fortune it was my destiny to come to Taiwan. Some higher force has directed me here so that I CAN help and make a difference!

These people emulate and worship Guanyin, but they don't seem to see that she was the Goddess of Mercy. She helped and saved people and I assume other living things. They talk the talk, but do they walk the walk?

So maybe I am here for selfish reasons: Learn Chinese, settle down, get my Masters, etc... But being an English teacher and a Taichung PAWS volunteer gives me that chance to teach appreciation of other things and living creatures in this world. I may not be good at it, but I need to try!

I can't give up!! Jiayo!

My Apartment Blues

Maybe it's just PMS, but I have had it with my apartment!!

I moved here in September of 2007 and moved into this place because 1. It was cheap and I didn't have enough money at the time. 2. I wanted something cheaper so I could spend my money on traveling and saving. 3. I had just arrived and was just ready to settle in.

My apartment is a TINY studio but is cheap and the landlord is super nice! So I'm not blaming him, I'm just blaming EVERYONE on the quality of materials used to build apartments here!!

Why I'm bitching about it now??

Well..at first my UNwelcome ant visitors only make their treks through my shower drain from September to October so once they leave, I forget about them. And I covered the smoke stained walls with pretty pictures since I knew I wasn't gonna be here long. And the cigarette butts inside my windowsill disgusted me but was still thinking positive.

But now...now I'm fed up. My bathroom ventilator is dripping some brown rust colored liquid and is now SCREECHING everytime I turn it on. Now that it is cold, winter and NO indoor heating my clothes take FOREVER to dry AND my towels in the bathroom don't dry at all! My toothbrush is permanently wet and NOW...there is condensation and mold on my walls that AREN'T in my bathroom!! I'm having enough problem ridding myself of the moldy black tiles in the bathroom that should be sparkling white and now this!!!!

The bed that came with the place is shite and the mattress is like sleeping on top of a wooden coffin. I don't get much sunlight and no matter how WELL I take care of my plants in here they all die.

Everytime I clean it, it never truly looks or feels clean...it always looks dirty. The dark colored stone floors annoy me...Why do Taiwanese people have this?! I would LOVE a nice wood tiled floor...Or a white kitchen tile floor...

Part of it is my fault for not cleaning it. I really should despite the fact that I mentioned above about it never truly feeling clean. My Christmas tree is still up cuz I was so fed up and thought "Screw it!"

I even broke down crying today screaming to Hino that I want to move back to Europe because I had had it with all the shite from the lack of decent quality things here.

But, this Sunday Hino will help me clean the place so that I can make it liveable till I move out in a few months. Like I said...it's not my landlord. He's actually been soooooo helpful!! It's just the quality of materials used to make apartments here.


Ok, that's my rant for the day. I have temporarily lost my positivity but REALLY hope to get it back soon.

I'm off to read "The Good German" and try not to stress so much...I'm a teensy bit stressed and am trying to follow through with all my plans that I'm making. I am so glad for Chinese New Year!!! The sad thing is...I just had a vacation...a LONG one but need yet ANOTHER one....not healthy :(