No News Is Good News, No?

I wish I had some eccentric and amazing stories to put on this blog, but I don't. At least not for right now.

I went to see the Vagina Monologues last night which was part of V-Day Taichung. I really liked it! After that, my neighbor and I had dinner and then saw a colleague play at a café. It was a nice night. I'd been wanting to do something artsy-fartsy lately (like I used to do in Amsterdam) and it helped me feel a little at home.

Life and work are the same. The only difference is that now I am trying to be a writer and find a way to get things published so that I can have more experience in the writing world. I know it seems like everyone wants to be a writer these days, but I have found that I really enjoy it. I used to keep a journal from the time I was 8 until I was 27. I stopped because I wanted to write a blog and now I haven't been posting in my blog because I want to make more published pieces to get that experience.

As I have probably said before, I also enjoy editing. I know it sounds strange that someone actually enjoys editing, but I would love to make it a permanent career. I also know that people must think I'm not credible because of all the typos I make here and on FB. But that is only because here is where I express myself and I want to relax from editing since I am a teacher and need to teach and grade and plan. It takes a lot out of me.

I have also found out that I am a chronic worrier after reading "The Worry Cure" but have put reading it further on hold as it really depressed me. I really need to finish it, but now I realize that I can NOT stop worrying. If someone tells me to stop, it doesn't work. I even worry ABOUT worrying!!! How screwed up is that?!


Taiwan is a love/hate situation for me now. Last night I loved Taichung. I felt like that after all these years, I'm coming into my own, meeting interesting and fun people (like I did in Amsterdam) and experiencing more things on the expat front. Changing jobs really helped. I'm not the hermit that I was before..although I still really should stay at home and save money.

Ok, maybe I lie...I don't hate Taiwan. I am just still in culture shock after two years. I get so frustrated by how people do things (or not do things). I get upset that the parks here don't allow dogs and don't fine people for not picking up the poop. I have serious road rage when driving my scooter on the road because people drive so selfishly here. I get so upset that everything here is QUANTITY and quality is thrown to the wayside and because of that I suffer as a teacher. Evidently, I am not a numbers person. Numbers and I don't have a great relationship. I pride myself on quality. That's why I spend more money on things like hair care and etcetera. I want long-term results!

I am debating whether I should go back to studying Chinese or go back to German. I have found out that learning Chinese doesn't help my chances at getting a job because companies prefer native speakers or FBCs(Foreign Born Chinese). I figured I'd relearn German because 1. My grandma was German. 2. If we move back to Europe then I'd be fluent in a good European language. 3. I like German and 4. Same as number 1, it is my heritage and my culture.

That is all I know. Mostly worries and uncertainty which is the plague of the "Chronic Worrier". But I'm not letting it get me down. I will work this stuff out and I will find a way to stop being a chronic worrier..somehow!

My Eyes Are Opening And It's Not a Pretty Sight

When it comes to having a central nervous system, and the ability to feel pain, hunger, and thirst, a rat is a pig is a dog is a boy. ~Ingrid Newkirk

Since I was a kid, I have always had a sensitive heart. I hated seeing people get hurt(physically and emotionally) as well as animals. I was a meat-eater but there were many times where I wanted nothing more than to be a vegetarian. The only reason I couldn't was because no one else was and I was too young to support myself and that desire. Now I am old enough and Taiwan has turned me vegetarian.

Granted, I still eat eggs for protein (although I've started to buy free-range as I have seen images of the battery farms) and I still drink milk although I try to drink more almond and soy milk. I used to eat fish until I got food poisoning a few weeks ago and was in the hospital. I am not a vegan, but the thought of eating meat makes me sick.

What has converted me? Well, I want to know the truth and thanks to Facebook, I have seen many videos and images of things that have shown me the scary and disturbing truth about things such as slaughterhouses, the wool industry and animal testing on beauty products AND...the product that I don't understand why it needs animal testing: chocolate!! I refuse to eat M&M's or Snickers because the Mars Chocolate company tests on animals. Why do they need to test food products on animals?? UNLESS they use new chemicals for flavor and color. Well if they are adding more chemicals to my food then they can forget about me!

Another thing as I have mentioned before were the split duck heads and god knows what else at the markets here!

http://www.weirdmeat.com/2008/02/duck-heads.html

Antoher thing I just read up on today was about the wool industry. Here is a lnk:
http://www.veganpeace.org/animal_cruelty/wool.htm

This was my Facebook comment:

"There are so many lies in the agricultural industry :( Were the pioneers (whose farming was their life and their survival) this cruel to animals as well or have we, as a modern society, grown a frigid heart and amuse ourselves by such torture????

We know there is one cause to all this madness: MORE money!"

I was also reading about dissection:
http://www.veganpeace.org/animal_cruelty/dissection.htm

This was my Facebook comment about dissection:

"Do we really need dissection in the classrooms? Our technology is advanced enough where we don't need helpless animals' corpses...in fact I'm sure we never did!

Ugh...the thought of it reminds me in Junior year physiology where we had to dissect a sheep's brain...WHY?? That didn't make me smarter or understand better a...nd I STILL got a D in the class because the teacher only gave A's to girls in skimpy clothes...Yet another thing that dissapoints me and makes me feel nauseous..."

Seeing the scary truth of it ALL makes me wonder if I really should bring a child into this world...will my child become a prey or a predator? This thought scares me...

My students are only 10-12 years-old and completely de-sensitized...They BEG to watch "Happy Tree Friends" and some kids get a kick out of the powerpoints that I show of people suffering. One of my students was happy to tell me with no thought of remorse that he and his dad saw a dog get hit by car somewhere and they didn't have time to help it. He said this with a smile on his face.
The students in Taiwan don't SEEM to be violent, yet they crave their online games. The movie channels here cut out swear words and SOME sex stuff, but they don't cut out the senseless violence? It just doesn't make sense?

Now as a liberal, I believe that video games and music aren't the cause of killings and shootings, but as a teacher I am seeing more and more that parents (and some teachers) are not educating the students enough on right and wrong. Nobody is teaching these kids that these songs and video games are just that and nothing more. The video game or the song IS NOT telling them to go do these things. They are either telling a story or for entertainment and that is it. But the kids aren't getting the education and it is causing a problem. We, as adults, need to teach them the difference between morally right and wrong! We need to show these kids that it is NOT OK to do these things...

How does this tie into animal cruelty? There have been articles that I have been reading about how most serial killers started out by violently torturing and killing animals. Now this is an extreme case, but it should be a red flag for us to watch our kids and teach them respect, not only for people, but for ALL of Earth's creatures. Whether it is true or not, we need to educate and enlighten again!

My goal is to not give up on these kids and teach them right from wrong. It worries me that my students BEG to see "Happy Tree Friends" (I used to watch it in uni but I was OLD ENOUGH to know that it is just a TV show and nothing more) and I will do what it takes to teach them that there are better things in life to see and experience!

"Teaching a child not to step on a caterpillar is as valuable to the child as it is to the caterpillar." ~Bradley Millar

Hao Jiu Bu Jian=Long Time No See

Update:

My new job is better! I like it now although it is still hard. Xiao Mai is good, too!

I'm still fat and need to get motivated to exercise. Luckily, my stress level is WAY low now! :D

I'm going to Indonesia in a few weeks and am excited and scared! I haven't left the country to travel around Asia since my trip to Thailand two Octobers ago! Luckily, I am going with a good friend who is a Jakarta native so that really makes me feel better!!

I've written the first draft of a children's book now hoping to get it published...I really enjoy writing and have been hit with a wave of ideas these past few days! I hope that I can start writing more as that seems to be the direction I want to go in my career...I'm also looking into editing. I'm pretty good at editing so maybe this is something else I can do!

Not only that, but I've made an ad for the Phonics club...Phonics is important and it's something that you can play super easy and fun games all the while the kids are learning and having fun! I DON'T want to do speech club so I'm doing everything I can to get students to join!

I want to write more but am channeling my writing energy into other writing outlets (that means..outlets that help get me some green stuff) :P I hope to post during or after Chinese New Year and with pics of Jakarta!

Can't wait! :D

2009 Resolutions and 2010

These were my resolutions for 2009...

My resolutions for 2009:
1. Chinese classes at a university!!!
2. New apartment with comfy furniture
3. Save up for my Master's
4. Research Master's programs and see if I am eligible
5. BE A BETTER PERSON
6. Be Tao
7. Try to take better care of myself physically...2008 was my year of feeling like a fat flop so 2009 will be the year that I don't let my weight or my age or stupid skinny ass Taiwanese people make me feel bad!!!
8. Did I mention Chinese?? IMPROVE my Chinese!!!
9. Yeah, yeah...be more active...I want to buy a Wii and Wii fit!!!


Here are my Taichung PAWS 2009 resolutions:
1. Try to find a way to educate my students and other young learners in Taiwan about how to treat pets and street animals POSITIVELY.
2. When I get my new apartment, adopt a dog or foster a dog (I won't have time to adopt AND foster let alone the money since it is VITAL I get my Master's)
Still working on more of my Taichung PAWS resolutions...


Ones I didn't accomplish: 1.3.7.8
Ones I tried and am still working on: 4,5,6,9
The only one I did accomplish was: 2

As for Taichung PAWS: I adopted Xiao Mai and couldn't be happier!
I try to educate my students but find it to be a challenge!

As I try to reflect on what I accomplished, researched and/or fell short of, I realize that there are so many opportunities for me but I get too confused and am not sure which one is best for me..like my teaching certificate...

There are so many different teaching certificates but the one that I need I can't afford and the others I can probably afford and are in Taiwan(like a Master's) but am not sure they can get me jobs abroad and/or will be recognized!!

So here are my resolutions that I hope to acomplish in 2010
1. Strive to be better and make the world better
2. Be the voice for those who have none
3. Find a way to get a teaching certificate(that is recognized in Europe) or a Master's...somehow!!
4. Help my students to improve not only in their grades, but in everything else like to be better!
5. Improve my confidence and my positivity
6.I had one more but it slipped my mind, but was a good one...

Christmas is coming and things are improving in my life...slowly but surely! I guess I really am trying to be superwoman but when wanting to succeed and become a "Superwoman"comes many sacrifices and struggles. As long as I don't drown in the negative things and show myself what wonderful things life has to offer, I have nowhere to go but up! :D

The Holiday Bug is Biting..or At Least the Saturday Bug :)

I feel better today!

All that anger and frustration and guilt was vented onto Hino...He didn't really say anything but just listened and thats what I needed! And made me laugh of course :)

So as far as making friends with expats go, Hino and I have decided that we will go out more and be more social. We are still too young to stay at home and veg EVERY weekend!

As for my weight, I've decided that on top of walking Mai...when we get her her treadmill, I am going to bring my small little step machine from the upstairs and when she's on the treadmill, I'll be on the stepmachine and we'll walk/run together! :)

I read in one of Cesar Millan's books that a firehouse dalmation will go on a treadmill when one of the firefighters go on the other treadmill and Cesar says that's a good bonding experience or something like that.

Like I said, the treadmill is NOT a substitute but a supplement!

Well speaking of walks, it's Xiao Mai's time!

The holiday season always puts me in a good mood :)


Anyway, I feel better today!

A Long Time Post from a Pissed Off but POSITIVE Fat Expat

OK...actually, I'm not pissed off-just a little bothered!


I've gained a few pounds these past few months and now my newly bought Levi's don't fit. Go figure that they are Taiwanese style meaning they BARELY fit with my junk-in-the-trunk but now they go up to my knees and that's it!!!!!!!

In the shower I was thinking..."Why oh Why in God's name did I pick a country where EVERYONE's asses are FLAT?! Why didn't I move to a place where it's NORMAL to have some padunkadunk?!"

I'm on a diet but Hino gave me the "if you want to lose weight, you need to do more than eat less...you need to exercise!"

And you know...that's the thing...I know he loves me for who I am as he tells me ALL the time he doesn't care about my weight but what pisses me off is that these people who tell me to exercise more have no effyouseekaying idea what it's like to teach!!

I come home and all I want to do is relax! I have been talking to my colleagues and they agree that teaching (especially the kids we/I teach) is an absolute energy drainer and I would LOVE for those people who tell this to be in my shoes for a week!

Anyway...I walk Xiao Mai but when I try to run with her I get so tired..I'm not a runner...
and that's another thing, she needs more exercise and I am trying but it's not enough. On top of it she has Separation Anxiety disorder and I just can't run with her enough to tire her out so I need to get her a treadmill as a supplement to her walks!

I feel like I'm trying to be Wonder Woman and end up Bridget Jones! I'm REALLY struggling but god damn it I'm trying!!!!!!!!!!!! It's not all so bad it's getting better but SLOWLY!! Unfortunately in Taiwan, everyone is so god damn pushy and I'm too slow for everyone.

I'm also getting tired of being called lazy. In Taiwan, I'm lazy. I work 5 days a week 9am-5pm, walk my dog and other things but that's just not enough!! Nobody relaxes here and there is no "Gezelligheid" or coziness so basically, I'm a lazy bum.

As you can tell, I was ready to say Screw it! I'm outta this place! But...I'm fighting back!!! There are so many great things about Taiwan and those people who criticize me aren't happy so Screw them! They are not bringing me down!!


But...I do want to move back in five or so years...I don't like being rushed 24/7. I like being relaxed...It's much healthier :)


Another thing on my mind was that I am an expat recluse. Taichung's expat circle is even SMALLER than Holland's and everyone all hangs out with each other, but I don't go out. I want to, but I'm not fun like I was in Amsterdam. I don't feel the same here like I do there. Everyone all has fun together but I think I'm not fun!

I'm trying to be
positive really! I guess if I could stay awake past 12 that would help me be more social :)


OK well that's something I need to fix on my own...

But I'm TRYING! My point is is that I may not be the best and at the moment might be really crappy at all I'm doing, but god damn it I'm going to fight and I'm going to succeed!!!

Birth, Life and Death

Looking into the eyes of death and at a puppy who should have had a better life

Don't let this one have the same destiny as our lil one above

The good news is is that we had 10 volunteers which is GREAT!! We got so much done and everyone was so cool and helpful!!

Star so fittingly named...She is a sweetheart!

Today was our monthly visit to Tsaotun and the good news was that there were TEN of us which is really good!!

The bad news is...we all witnessed a puppy die right before our eyes. It was the most helpless feeling I've EVER felt...

We found her lying on her side in a cage twitching...we were speechless and one of us said maybe we should pick her up and hold her to just to give her some contact. The move itself was enough as she was being picked up (slowly and carefully I might add) it must have been too much for her as she stiffened and then seemed comatose urinating and drooling...we laid her in a plastic chair and wrapped her in an apron. There was nothing we could do. She had passed on.

I remember coming to the shelter and she was always so scared and would run away from me. Vicky picked her up once a few months back and held her and cuddled with her and I had been wanting to do the same as I really thought she had a chance (and her brothers) of being re-homed.

The Ai-xin mama said no dog had bitten her so her cause of death is unknown. I have a theory that maybe because she was smaller and more afraid than the other dogs that maybe she didn't get any food or nourishment because as they say for packs "Survival of the fittest" and she might have been a weak link...Someone asked me if maybe I would want students to perform an autopsy on her and actually I would because if it really is a sickness or a disease we can prevent the other dogs from getting sick or even an outbreak...1 deceased dog is wretched enough but more than one is unspeakable!!!! I love these dogs and want them to be fostered and re-homed! That's why we have volunteers walk them so they can get used to being walked.

The odd thing is is that a few nights ago I had a dream about a wedding. My mom said that there is a superstition that if you dream of a wedding that a death will soon take place and vice versa. After I had this dream, I was so panicked that that death might be one of my family members as a couple of them have been sick.

I believe this superstition because a few years back I had a nightmare that my mom was killed and I woke up screaming and crying...I called my mom from Ohio to all the way in Holland to see if she was ok and she said that it meant a wedding would take place soon...a few days later, my boyfriend at the time and I had attended a friend's sister's wedding...

Every time someone or something I see or know dies, I feel like a part of me dies. It lasts for some time but then like a new seed that was replanted the rebirth germinates and something good always makes that seed grow into a beautiful flower until once again that flower in me dies...it is an emotional cycle of birth, life and death and re-birth. Right now I feel death and am mourning. I came home and hugged Xiao Mai and enjoyed every moment bathing her, blowdrying her and feeding her her chickenbacks (as she is now on the BARF diet which is a raw food diet to benefit dog's health and it works) and watching her sleep in her lil bed.

It's only been a couple weeks but I love her so much and after seeing that lil one pass on...I am so worried about her Ehrlichia and just want the best for her! She has become one of the family!!









I am so mad at myself that I focus too much on the active dogs like Star, Arielle, Mr. B and Colin and Colleen but I don't pay the other ones more attention. I shouldn't have given up on her and kept trying to get her to cuddle her.