I tend to dwell on things even if it's been a year since they have happened...or ten years and this topic has been on my mind constantly for the past year!!
n.b. when I say mother-in-law, I don't just mean for married people. I tend to call boyfriend's/girlfriend's mother a mother-in-law because I get tired of saying "the mother of so-and-so's boyfriend/girlfriend".
As some of you know, I put myself in a very stupid relationship last year and had a mother-in-law who DIDN'T speak English. Not only that, but she came to the conclusion that ALL Americans were gun-toting, superviolent and HORRIBLE cooks because she, the expert, got all her knowledge from: CSI, CSI:Miami, CSI:New York, Law & Order Criminal Intent, NCIS, Autopsy, Crossing Jordan, Little House on the Prairie (Oh lord, if I EVER have to watch that show again I will probably end up becoming the stereotype of my ex's mothers delusions), Dallas, Dynasty and King of Queen's., etc etc etc..and it doesn't stop there.
Unfortunately, it wasn't all television's fault. I am partly to blame as I fed these delusions. See, I suffer from VD (NOT venereal disease you sick shites! Perish that DISGUSTING thought!!!!! Ewwwww >: ( ) I'm talking about:
-Verbal Diarrhea as taken from the site: Urban Dictionary http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=verbal+diarrhea
This definition is the first one and honestly, the one that best describes me. Please pardon the extremely vulgar "F"word although it is appropiately used in this sense.
"A condition suffered by an individual who has the inablility to shut the fuck up, i.e the words keep flowing.
Don't get involved in a conversation with Jill as she has a bad case of verbal diarrhea."
Unfortunately, I have suffered from this sickness ever since I was in elementary school. I was in remission for a couple of years but it came back when I was in Germany and I can't seem to cure it...yet. But this is another story for another time.
Needless to say, my ex's mother and I didn't hit it off as well as I wanted. The last time I was in a long-term relationship was back in the U.S. and had a GREAT friendship with my ex's mom!
One problem with the German was because I didn't speak German and when people learn new languages they don't have the knowledge in the beginning to use the language in appropiate context as well as intonation and word/sentence stress. So imagine the trouble I got into when I would answer or speak with monotone, which is what I did because I was experimenting and just trying to get a BASIC message across.
At the end of it all, I came to the conclusion her sheltered life made her ignorant, narrow-minded, VERY hypocritical and just plain miserable. (n.b. NOT that I'm perfect because I'm NOT!!! If I were perfect I wouldn't be writing this blog post as we speak!!!) She didn't trust or believe her own son, but when I got fed up of living my life with someone who had made into nothing but one HORRIFIC lie, she told me I was abandoning him and that I didn't know what love was. Maybe I don't, but I should have known when to leave such a doomed situation. Now it's a year or so later and I'm doing everything I can to right the wrongs I made in that STUPID situation.
So, MY POINT:
This is just one example of an "Evil" mother-in-law. The truth is, no matter where you go, you will have to deal with parents-in-law. Or, maybe you are lucky and either your partner doesn't speak to their parents or they are orphans. And, are they necessarily "evil" or are they merely a product of their environment? Maybe, you are the "evil"one who can't take responsibility for your negative actions or maybe there is a communication gap (which always seems to be the case and isn't really anyone's fault)?
My advice to you is that if you can't deal with parents-in-law then just don't date!!! Cut off all contact with the dating world and focus on your own life. And the truth is, it is easy to do! I've been doing it for about a year now and now I have come to this epiphany.
If you do decide to date (and trust me, I NEED to take my own advice as well for the future!), you need to be sensitive to their culture, background, traditions, beliefs and everything else that is their life. Become interested in their life even if you may not be. You might discover and learn great things! If they say negative things about your culture, background or upbringing, politely discuss with them the good things about your culture. DON'T be a twat about it, even if you are steaming on the inside!!!!!
BUT...DO TAKE THINGS SLOW!!! Rushing only leads to heartache and heartbreak.
Unfortunately, I didn't do ANY of these things and on top of it, I showed my fear, jiltedness and bashed German culture as well just to get back at them and that made the situation worse (although it really couldn't have gotten any worse). To be honest, NOTHING could have saved the relationship between me and my ex but I could have had a better relationship with his parents if I had stopped letting the negativity get to me and just do what I always say :"Positive changes positively."
I hope that IF I ever date again, that I learn from my wretched mistake and just be a good and positive person and to just GET OUT before the situation gets out of hand AND to see the signs before I make any moves!!!!!
And remember: Someday, you will be the parent-in-law so just put yourself in their shoes.
