Hopefully these will stop soon, but I am in a serious funk and am having a struggle getting out of it.
It's Friday night and I have to teach in the morning and I can't sleep..yet again. I refuse to let myself clear my mind and am aggravated by the tiniest of things.
Right now the only thought on my mind is that I am sick of being called "Fat teacher"
The students don't know any better, it is just that Taiwanese are direct and saying things like that isn't rude supposedly. Apparently, people here are emotionally stronger than I am...or they hide it VERY well.
The things is and I have mentioned this many times...I am NOT fat...Yeah my hips are bigger and my butt is well..."bootylicious" as I have been calling it to make myself feel better about eating the chocolate that I usually eat to make myself feel better. And my cellulite needs to disappear, and my flabby arms, and my chubby cheeks...at least my stomach has gone down!! But this hasn't helped the self esteem I have been trying to raise...
And don't you DARE start on the exercise more crap!!! I have my excuses as to why I'm putting it off and I'm sticking to them!
Actually it goes a lot deeper than this and there is a lot more to it, but right now it's none of your business.
On top of things, I am at a block on how to get Toby adopted...I am doing a crappy job of it and my Chinese is apparently shit and it's frustrating me to no end.
I've been complaining a LOT lately...about the way people drive here (which has brought back my severe road rage), the way people abuse animals and children and other people just turn the other god damn cheek, the fashion here is atrocious, the chicken feet, split ducks heads and pig hearts have made me SERIOUSLY consider vegetarianism, and have been trying (and failing) to convert, The incessant dirty looks Hino and I get because I'm Western and he's Taiwanese which is rare (But YET it is socially OK for a Western guy to be with a Taiwanese girl?? WTF is the difference?!?!)
My mom asks me, "So why are you here?"
And here is why:
- I have a chance to learn an amazingly difficult but rewarding and amazing language!
- I have a chance to go to a decent uni to get my masters and still afford it possibly!!!
- The people are nicer depsite the exceptions above and many have been so kind to me!
- I can't help it...Taiwanese men are sexy! Wang Lee Hom, Pan Wei Bo, Chien Min Wang(Pitcher for Yankees)..and HINO of course :)
- Taiwanese kids are so sweet and sooo smart despite some exceptions calling me "Fat Teacher"
- I love traveling here and being able to travel to beautiful islands and places like Thailand!
- I finally am able to have a job and my own apartment and still be able to afford getting my haircut and colored at Aveda(which can be pricey)
- The clothes shopping can be good too although the quality is lower and I'm a quality girl
- I celebrate Christmas AND Chinese New Year which are two big holidays :)
- The temples!! Especially Guanyin temples!
- The snorkeling places in and out of Taiwan
- So much more
So basically, there is more to it than that, but no matter where you go there is good and bad. I really am happy here, despite my recent rut and permanent bad mood, but hopefully things will change for the better and I need to start changing my attitude and stop being so god damn emotional!
Tomorrow is another change to start on my makeover. I need one. I feel like a cow and look like one. Step 1 is turn negatives to positives. Step 2 is hair cut and color...A nice reddish brown like Kate Walsh on Grey's Anatomy
The rest of the steps are something I am still trying to organize...
2 comments:
You'll find that almost all foreigners love to rant about all of Taiwan's "shortcomings." I'm sure you are familiar with Forumosa, which is nothing more than hundreds of expats discussing everything that is wrong with Taiwan and they would fix it.
I've taken a different approach in that I revel in all these absurdities. Sure, the drivers suck and sometimes I yell at them, but it's also made me a better driver. The people are very direct, but it's kind of nice. Unlike Japanese, who beat around the bush, or many people in America - they will tell you how they feel. I think the best thing, if you are planning on staying a long time and it seems like you are, is to focus on all the positives and enjoy your time here.
As for the food... give it a shot. I'm a foodie and I try everything at least twice. I never trust my first impression, regardless of whether it was bad or good. I always try food a second time because you might just like it. I have, after a little more than a year, become a huge fan of bitter melon, grilled stinky tofu, blood cake, and countless other dishes that at first seemed entirely unappealing.
You're a stranger in a strange place. Just make the best of it and enjoy your time here. You have an interesting blog. I look forward to reading more.
I almost forgot. Ich auch verbrachte ein Jahr in Deutschland. Ich vermisse den Vaterland...
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