Taking it all in step-by-step

I've been so busy with training. I have been so nervous about teaching that I haven't had much time to do much. Everyone has went out to go drinking one night but I've been dorking out and staying in because 1. I NEED to save money 2. I'm too effin tired 3. I have realized I can't have a conversation with other Americans anymore for some reason... 4. Taipei is too effin big and I'd be fine during the day, but I feel a little uncomfortable walking around alone at night...at least for a little bit...

The truth is, I want to integrate myself with the Taiwanese as well as learn the language. I had such a hard time trying to integrate with the Dutch (as most expats do) and I don't want my experience to be like how it was in Amsterdam...not that it was bad, but I want something different and a little bit more positive :)

So my mom is freaking out because I am isolating myself, but I was working from 19:00 till 1-2 am on my two lesson plans, I'm in training ALL day with these people and I will be training non-stop with no day off for a couple of weeks at my Branch...I'm going to be working my butt off for a while until I get used to teaching and I can't afford to waste any time as horrible as it sounds. BUT...maybe I'll go out drinking with everyone tomorrow night at Taipei 101...maybe...

As for Taiwan, I am happy here! I have gotten used to the pollution, and am even getting used to the stinky smells in the streets sometimes...it has cooled off a lot in the past couple of days, but is still hot enough for me to enjoy :) I LOVE the scooters and am SERIOUSLY contemplating on getting a PINK scooter when I'm brave enough ;)

The people are nice and well...just like in any big city really...My mandarin is OK, but I can't wait to learn more!!! The food is so cool and interesting and different to me so I am trying to experiment all the sweets and pastries and drinks! Cherry Kit-Kat is the best so far!!!!!!!!!!!

But...I can't wait for Taichung ;)

Ni hao from Taiwan!!!!!!

OK, so after a looong flight I DON'T feel jet lagged although I do feel drunk (I didn't even drink anything but water and juice on the plane)...

I got a LOT of food on the plane and it was all surprisingly good!! 4 meals in total, not including the 5th one from Bangkok to Taipei...except when they had the instant ramen meal I asked for beef instead of seafood and the beef was...SPICY beef!! So I had to pick all the chilies out and they only gave me a tiny glass of water and my mouth was STILL burning a half an hour after eating it-hahahaha!!!

Then I had my layover in the new Bangkok airport and I have to say it may look nice on the outside, but the inside is nothing but GRAY, SILVER(like Ikea silver, not like expensive jewelry silver) and STERILE!!! The waiting seats were silver metal and my butt hurt so bad from sitting!!!! There were only a few pretty Thai inspired murals on the wall, but very faint....only one thing that was cool was the Thai gods etched in the glass doors...that was cool. BUT...now I can say I was in Bangkok!! Maybe one day I'll go back and see outside of the airport!!

I flew Eva Air and they were GREAT except for the fact that I brought two suitcases and they only allow you ONE!!!!!! That was a major issue at Schiphol and I almost lost my "mianzhi" (lost face) and was ready to punch someone out ;) But I didn't :)

So then I arrived at Taipei and went through customs and it was NOTHING like Schiphol!!!! No HUGE lines except a tiny one for the citizens and almost NO ONE in line for the non-citizens so I went right through!!!! I exchanged my €'s and then went to the lobby where it was also empty (Much UNLIKE Schiphol as well) and my driver was waiting for me!!!!! I was so worn out that I forgot to get a picture of him holding my name!!!!! So as soon as I stepped outside to wait for him to bring the car over, I felt the stickiness, sweatiness and all that that everyone describes about Taiwan, but you know what?? It is a welcome change from the crappy too cold for anything must wear a sweater and winter coat in the middle of August in Amsterdam weather!!!!!!

So my driver took me to the hotel and the sights were amazing to me!! I ACTUALLY LIVE IN APLACE WITH PALM TREES!!!!!!! I've never lived in a place with palm trees :)

In all honesty, Taipei isn't as gorgeous as say Paris or Berlin and it looks kinda beat-up but I actually felt good!!! I mean, I am scared to death right now and the culture shock has hit me BIG TIME and am afraid to go to a restaurant and order food...BUT I'm gonna go out there and do it!!! I NEED to do this!! And I will go and order food( NOT from McD's) because I have to get over my fears and anxiety!

This is my destiny!!!!!

But anyway, amid all of the factories and crappy looking buildings(well so far..I still need to venture out) there are beautiful green mountains and gorgeous greenery!! I also assume Taichung will be a little nicer than this...

The hotel is cool! They have been so helpful and My school has taken care of me so far!!! I've heard some negative things about them in the past (well you hear negative things about ALL English schools in Asia), but my driver was there for me, the hotel has been great so far, my hotel room is AWESOME!!!!! and my school has also given me a Mandarin Phrasebook (NOT Lonely Planet-their own actually) and a little booklet on Taiwan (once again NOT Lonely Planet-their own) plus a magazine about Taiwan(in English) and some other info!!!!

I start training on Monday and I am so excited!!! Well, I am going to go sort my stuff, talk to the front desk about my luggage being cargoed and then venture out in the streets-GASP!!!!

I will post pics when I come back!!!

Delay in Blog Posts:

Ni hao!

I just wanted to write and say that I will be leaving for Taiwan in 3 days (KNOCK ON WOOD that I have a SAFE trip) and am not sure when I will be posting again.

But fear not! The whole point of this blog is to document my life and life in general in Taiwan so there WILL be more posts as well as photos and video ;)

Xie xie for your understanding!!

See you soon and zai jian,
Bre a.k.a. 李艾莉

七夕

Today is the seventh day of the seventh month in the Chinese Lunar Calendar. A day called Qi Xi or 七夕, Chinese Valentine's Day.

It is based on a very romantic Chinese fable that has many versions to it. Here is the version from wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_Valentine%27s_Day

"The story of Cowherd and Weaver Girl

In late summer, the stars Altair and Vega are high in the night sky, and the Chinese tell the following love story, of which there are many variations:

A young cowherd named Niulang (Chinese: 牛郎; Pinyin: niú láng, "the cowherd", the star Altair) happens across seven fairy sisters bathing in a lake. Encouraged by his mischievous companion the ox, he steals their clothes and waits to see what will happen. The fairy sisters elect the youngest and most beautiful sister Zhinü (Simplified Chinese: 织女; Traditional Chinese: 織女; Pinyin: zhī nǚ, "the weaver girl", the star Vega) to retrieve their clothing. She does so, but since Niulang has seen her naked, she must agree to his request for marriage. She proves to be a wonderful wife, and Niulang a good husband, and they are very happy together. But the Goddess of Heaven (in some versions Zhinü's mother) finds out that a mere mortal has married one of the fairy girls and is furious. (In another version, the Goddess forced the weaver fairy back to her former duty of weaving colorful clouds in the sky because she could not do her job while married to the mortal.) Taking out her hairpin, the Goddess scratches a wide river in the sky to separate the two lovers forever (thus forming the Milky Way, which separates Altair and Vega).

Zhinü must sit forever on one side of the river, sadly weaving on her loom, while Niulang watches her from afar and takes care of their two children (his flanking stars β and γ Aquilae).

But once a year all the magpies in the world take pity on them and fly up into heaven to form a bridge (鵲橋, "the bridge of magpies", Que Qiao) over the star Deneb in the Cygnus constellation so the lovers may be together for a single night, the seventh night of the seventh moon."

Happy Chinese Valentine's Day or Qi Xi!!! :)

5 days till Taiwan...:)

Return of the Ex

Well, ironically, last night I checked my email and in the spam folder (where it should be) was an email from...DUM DUM DUM the Ex to whom I was so lovingly *PUKE* *GAG* referring to in the last post.

The funny thing is, was that a few hours before that, I actually felt myself clean of him. I wasn't angry. I stopped the feelings for him a few months after I left so feelings weren't the problem. It has been the intense feeling of anger and hatred I have had toward him...and also myself (for letting it all happen). I felt free and better about myself!

But, the good thing is, when I read the email, I didn't get the sick-to-my-stomach feeling that I had for an entire year not to mention a few months after I left. But I did still feel anger, because I am MOVING ON WITH MY LIFE!!! Now, I know I screwed up and I have acknowledged it and am working on it, but him...well...it's not my place to talk about it in a weblog...I've said too much already.

Anyway, just like when we were together, although I didn't get the sick feeling..I did start getting the panicking feeling. Am I going to make the same mistake in Taiwan? Is it going to be how it was in Germany? What if I date a local and...it does get serious...What if I have the SAME problem except with this guy's mom except that she speaks Chinese instead of German!!!!!

But then I stopped myself!!!! I was already falling into that downward spiral that I was in for an entire year-the doubts, the endless unanswered questions and promises...

Here's the difference:
1. I am supporting myself!!!!!
2. I will be sharing my place with roommates and refuse to move in with some guy I just met-that is relationship wrecker #1
3. I have a job so I'll be too busy to worry!
4. If I do date and if it gets serious and then I have to *gasp* meet the parents... I will do the EXACT opposite of what I did in Germany.
5. In this case, I have learned to enjoy cooking and will actually be willing to learn to cook Asian (I already do here). In Germany, I couldn't cook and that got me into trouble...I know, I know...I'm 1/4 German and I can't even cook the cuisine of my Grandma and her family...
6. Not that i wasn't interested in my family's ancestry in Germany, but I have a fascination with Asian culture and languages so that will make it easier for me I think.
7. In my HONEST opinion: Asian guys=HOT German guys=don't really do it for me-sorry! I mean, come on! Have you seen or heard Wilber Pan and TONE??!!! *drool*
8. This kind of goes with #6 but I have actually been doing research on Taiwan every day for the past few months and I gotta say...I actually want to go there!
-And as I have always said: I KNOW that there will be days where I just want to rip my hair out or days that all I want is to actually hear the word "Lekker" a MILLION times a day! But...I am going to have a GREAT time no matter what!!!!

I can't wait to start teaching, I can't wait to meet my colleagues and even my bosses! :)

I can't wait to get confused by all the Chinese characters on the bus signs!!!! (I'm actually serious about that-just think when I actually know the characters and can look back and laugh!!)

I can't wait to laugh at myself while I'm trying to go to the bathroom in a squatter for the first time!!! If you can't laugh at yourself then what kind of a person are you?

So...our mistakes always come back to haunt us, but if we are constantly looking back, how can we move forward? Looking back to reflect on your mistakes is good as long as you learn from them, but it is not good to dwell. What's done is done and you can't change it. You just have to prepare yourself for the future.
And if there is negativity in your life-cut it from the source. Life is too short to let the negativity pull you under and drown you.

"Keep the wisdom gained from painful experiences and let go of the rest.
Otherwise, risk the wisdom diminishing while the pain lingers." - Taro Gold

I've said it many times and I will keep saying it:

"Positive changes Positively!"

Mothers-in-law = Crap Shoot

I tend to dwell on things even if it's been a year since they have happened...or ten years and this topic has been on my mind constantly for the past year!!

n.b. when I say mother-in-law, I don't just mean for married people. I tend to call boyfriend's/girlfriend's mother a mother-in-law because I get tired of saying "the mother of so-and-so's boyfriend/girlfriend".

As some of you know, I put myself in a very stupid relationship last year and had a mother-in-law who DIDN'T speak English. Not only that, but she came to the conclusion that ALL Americans were gun-toting, superviolent and HORRIBLE cooks because she, the expert, got all her knowledge from: CSI, CSI:Miami, CSI:New York, Law & Order Criminal Intent, NCIS, Autopsy, Crossing Jordan, Little House on the Prairie (Oh lord, if I EVER have to watch that show again I will probably end up becoming the stereotype of my ex's mothers delusions), Dallas, Dynasty and King of Queen's., etc etc etc..and it doesn't stop there.

Unfortunately, it wasn't all television's fault. I am partly to blame as I fed these delusions. See, I suffer from VD (NOT venereal disease you sick shites! Perish that DISGUSTING thought!!!!! Ewwwww >: ( ) I'm talking about:
-Verbal Diarrhea as taken from the site: Urban Dictionary http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=verbal+diarrhea
This definition is the first one and honestly, the one that best describes me. Please pardon the extremely vulgar "F"word although it is appropiately used in this sense.

"A condition suffered by an individual who has the inablility to shut the fuck up, i.e the words keep flowing.

Don't get involved in a conversation with Jill as she has a bad case of verbal diarrhea."

Unfortunately, I have suffered from this sickness ever since I was in elementary school. I was in remission for a couple of years but it came back when I was in Germany and I can't seem to cure it...yet. But this is another story for another time.

Needless to say, my ex's mother and I didn't hit it off as well as I wanted. The last time I was in a long-term relationship was back in the U.S. and had a GREAT friendship with my ex's mom!
One problem with the German was because I didn't speak German and when people learn new languages they don't have the knowledge in the beginning to use the language in appropiate context as well as intonation and word/sentence stress. So imagine the trouble I got into when I would answer or speak with monotone, which is what I did because I was experimenting and just trying to get a BASIC message across.

At the end of it all, I came to the conclusion her sheltered life made her ignorant, narrow-minded, VERY hypocritical and just plain miserable. (n.b. NOT that I'm perfect because I'm NOT!!! If I were perfect I wouldn't be writing this blog post as we speak!!!) She didn't trust or believe her own son, but when I got fed up of living my life with someone who had made into nothing but one HORRIFIC lie, she told me I was abandoning him and that I didn't know what love was. Maybe I don't, but I should have known when to leave such a doomed situation. Now it's a year or so later and I'm doing everything I can to right the wrongs I made in that STUPID situation.

So, MY POINT:

This is just one example of an "Evil" mother-in-law. The truth is, no matter where you go, you will have to deal with parents-in-law. Or, maybe you are lucky and either your partner doesn't speak to their parents or they are orphans. And, are they necessarily "evil" or are they merely a product of their environment? Maybe, you are the "evil"one who can't take responsibility for your negative actions or maybe there is a communication gap (which always seems to be the case and isn't really anyone's fault)?

My advice to you is that if you can't deal with parents-in-law then just don't date!!! Cut off all contact with the dating world and focus on your own life. And the truth is, it is easy to do! I've been doing it for about a year now and now I have come to this epiphany.

If you do decide to date (and trust me, I NEED to take my own advice as well for the future!), you need to be sensitive to their culture, background, traditions, beliefs and everything else that is their life. Become interested in their life even if you may not be. You might discover and learn great things! If they say negative things about your culture, background or upbringing, politely discuss with them the good things about your culture. DON'T be a twat about it, even if you are steaming on the inside!!!!!

BUT...DO TAKE THINGS SLOW!!! Rushing only leads to heartache and heartbreak.

Unfortunately, I didn't do ANY of these things and on top of it, I showed my fear, jiltedness and bashed German culture as well just to get back at them and that made the situation worse (although it really couldn't have gotten any worse). To be honest, NOTHING could have saved the relationship between me and my ex but I could have had a better relationship with his parents if I had stopped letting the negativity get to me and just do what I always say :"Positive changes positively."

I hope that IF I ever date again, that I learn from my wretched mistake and just be a good and positive person and to just GET OUT before the situation gets out of hand AND to see the signs before I make any moves!!!!!

And remember: Someday, you will be the parent-in-law so just put yourself in their shoes.

李艾莉

李艾莉 will probably be my Chinese name. One character means nice and one character means Jasmine.

From my favorite book, The Language of Flowers edited by Sheila Pickles (and scented with *sigh* Penhaligon's Violette perfume) it says that Jasmine means:

• JASMINE (INDIAN) - Attachment
• JASMINE (SPANISH) - Sensuality
• JASMINE (YELLOW) - Modesty, Grace, Elegance
• JASMINE (WHITE) - Amiability

(also taken from http://www.victorianbazaar.com/meanings.html)

The hindus call it "Moonlight of the Grove" which I think suits me as my star sign is Cancer (ruled by the moon) and what woman doesn't want to be intoxicating as such a strong yet exotic and lovely flower as the Jasmine? ;)

Alas, the laundry and my other chores beckon me ever so harshly *sigh*

Adieu! Adieu!

Damaged Goods-Schmamaged Goods

I'm going to put my poetic prose aside to say that we all have issues one way or another and I'm not going to let it get to me. I'm working on myself and I may have been hurt a few times, but I'm not going to let it ruin future relationships and friendships.

If someone can't accept me and my "baggage" then alas, it wasn't meant to be. I'm entering a new world and a new way of life and I think I need a new attitude as well. I'm just going to transform my puke brown baggage into an adorable yet very practical pink handbag to be used as place to hold my good memories and my tip cards ;)

As I always say: "Positive changes positively"

And so...18 days to go: Room is cleaned. Clothes are in phase 2 of organization and sorting process. I have a lot more work to do...

A Reflection on Damaged Goods

In matters concerning the heart, I am damaged goods. No one wants a girl who can't trust, is overemotional, oversuspicious and has baggage. I should just accept it and I think I am!

The sad thing is, the ones who who either reject me or can't accept me are the ones who need the MOST help and just can't seem to deal with that life throws at them. Most are just scooting along by the seat of their pants and in the end, all they will end up with is a giant ripped hole with embarrassment and shame.

As for me and as I've said before, I've made a LOT of stupid mistakes some little, some not-so-little but the difference is that I realize these mistakes, am trying to fix them/myself and learn from those mistakes. I'm doing the BEST that I can and if you can't accept me for who I am, then you're simply not worth my time. Period.