Viva la Formosa Ilha!: Return of the Ex

Well, ironically, last night I checked my email and in the spam folder (where it should be) was an email from...DUM DUM DUM the Ex to whom I was so lovingly *PUKE* *GAG* referring to in the last post.

The funny thing is, was that a few hours before that, I actually felt myself clean of him. I wasn't angry. I stopped the feelings for him a few months after I left so feelings weren't the problem. It has been the intense feeling of anger and hatred I have had toward him...and also myself (for letting it all happen). I felt free and better about myself!

But, the good thing is, when I read the email, I didn't get the sick-to-my-stomach feeling that I had for an entire year not to mention a few months after I left. But I did still feel anger, because I am MOVING ON WITH MY LIFE!!! Now, I know I screwed up and I have acknowledged it and am working on it, but him...well...it's not my place to talk about it in a weblog...I've said too much already.

Anyway, just like when we were together, although I didn't get the sick feeling..I did start getting the panicking feeling. Am I going to make the same mistake in Taiwan? Is it going to be how it was in Germany? What if I date a local and...it does get serious...What if I have the SAME problem except with this guy's mom except that she speaks Chinese instead of German!!!!!

But then I stopped myself!!!! I was already falling into that downward spiral that I was in for an entire year-the doubts, the endless unanswered questions and promises...

Here's the difference:
1. I am supporting myself!!!!!
2. I will be sharing my place with roommates and refuse to move in with some guy I just met-that is relationship wrecker #1
3. I have a job so I'll be too busy to worry!
4. If I do date and if it gets serious and then I have to *gasp* meet the parents... I will do the EXACT opposite of what I did in Germany.
5. In this case, I have learned to enjoy cooking and will actually be willing to learn to cook Asian (I already do here). In Germany, I couldn't cook and that got me into trouble...I know, I know...I'm 1/4 German and I can't even cook the cuisine of my Grandma and her family...
6. Not that i wasn't interested in my family's ancestry in Germany, but I have a fascination with Asian culture and languages so that will make it easier for me I think.
7. In my HONEST opinion: Asian guys=HOT German guys=don't really do it for me-sorry! I mean, come on! Have you seen or heard Wilber Pan and TONE??!!! *drool*
8. This kind of goes with #6 but I have actually been doing research on Taiwan every day for the past few months and I gotta say...I actually want to go there!
-And as I have always said: I KNOW that there will be days where I just want to rip my hair out or days that all I want is to actually hear the word "Lekker" a MILLION times a day! But...I am going to have a GREAT time no matter what!!!!

I can't wait to start teaching, I can't wait to meet my colleagues and even my bosses! :)

I can't wait to get confused by all the Chinese characters on the bus signs!!!! (I'm actually serious about that-just think when I actually know the characters and can look back and laugh!!)

I can't wait to laugh at myself while I'm trying to go to the bathroom in a squatter for the first time!!! If you can't laugh at yourself then what kind of a person are you?

So...our mistakes always come back to haunt us, but if we are constantly looking back, how can we move forward? Looking back to reflect on your mistakes is good as long as you learn from them, but it is not good to dwell. What's done is done and you can't change it. You just have to prepare yourself for the future.
And if there is negativity in your life-cut it from the source. Life is too short to let the negativity pull you under and drown you.