Embracing the Bitter Foreigner In Me

It's just a phase...

I am grumpy this week. Part of it (a BIG part of it) is due to PMS, but another part is due to the fact that I now have to travel to three different schools to teach and have started teaching a new class I feel I know nothing about. Plus, Chinese classes have started again which increases my busyness.

One thing that is pissing me off is that I am so fucking tired of people telling me I need to exercise more. I thought that ended with my ex, but apparently every god damn person in Taiwan...even my fellow expats give me that patronizing bullshit!

"I don't understand why you don't like bike riding or hiking?" And other crap like that. Because I don't! Thats why!!

Why the fuck are you so worried about me and my exercise habits?? Go worry about your own god damn life!!

I was doing good with the exercise and I was exercising for ME!!! Not for anyone else, but now that my schedule is back to busy, I am either too busy or too fucking exhausted to exercise. I just want to relax my mind and people giving me shit about exercise and my lack of confidence isn't helping.

Plus, it doesn't help someone's confidence if people are CONSTANTLY criticizing their lack of self confidence! Geez!

But I did get my hair cut and I love it!! I feel good! But now I need to work on my inner self confidence!

Now, my colleagues are great! I seem to get along with them fine, but yesterday I got really annoyed at the topic of "I'm too skinny" "

They were complaining that they were too skinny!! Now they are NOT Taiwanese, they are American. VERY nice colleagues but I was just so pissed!!

Jesus Christ how I would LOVE to be able to say that!!! I can't eat the fucking food here because I blow up like a god damn balloon...My legs are already cellulite enough and having a salad and tuna salad every day for lunch is the only thing that is helping me maintain my weight at an average weight...all I kept thinking was "$%^& you all and your $%#$%#$% skinny bodies!!!"

I even have students tell me I'm fat sometimes...although I ignore them, because they are kids and they don't know better. And as I mentioned before...my underwear size is a L or XL here when it was a S-M in the Western world...

Plus, I am missing my fambly a little bit. It's been a year since I've seen them and it will have been a year and a half when I see them at Christmas. I miss cuddling on the couch with da Booboo and watching Little Britain DVDs or watching "The Grinch" cartoon and decorating the Christmas Tree and sipping on yummy gluhwein! I am so excited to see them!!!

OK...OK...I'm done doing the whining shit...

On a positive note. I am glad Chinese classes started. My classmates seem to be at a bit of a higher level than me and even though I'm not one of the best students in the class anymore...I am happy because this means I will work harder to be as good as my classmates. This will prove to be a challenge for me and I hope I can pass with flying colors :) Learning Chinese and becoming fluent has now become a definite goal for me. Not only do I enjoy learning the language and have met some great people because of it, but this could really get my foot in the business door. Higher Salary, paid vacations and better benefits.

Don't get me wrong!! I love teaching English, but you have a better chance to support yourself financially if you have a job in the business world and can speak English and Chinese (maybe I will have a chance to speak German or Dutch to potential clients??)


One last thing I wanted to mention before I finish:

I'm going to Thailand in October. This is going to be a test of self strength and this should also prove to be a confidence booster. It is dangerous to go alone, but at the time, I had no one to go with me when I booked the trip. But if I am VERY VERY careful then this could be a great experience for me!! Like i said..I just have to be careful!!!
Plus, by then I will be crying for a vacation away from work! I want to lay out by the poolside bar and go snorkeling :) It will be great! :)

Night View of Taichung City...a refreshing way to cleanse myself of the "Bitter Foreigner"
:)