Birthday Blues

Yesterday, I was reeeeaaally depressed about my birthday. I have been stressing ALL week because I bought contacts this weekend and can't get them in my eyes! Now I KNOW I can do it, but it is going to take a LOT of time.

But yesterday, I was so pissed that I didn't even try...after exercising I hid back in bed and was close to tears that I am going to be 28 and can't even put contacts in.

Sounds silly, doesn't it? Well...part of the silliness is due to the monthly visit of "Aunt Flow" Thanks to "Aunt Flow", my mood changes are EVEN worse than normal, I cry over the stupidest things, I have a very short temper and patience, bad cramps and backaches and my hatred for men and people seems to get worse, etc etc etc etc. It's like the "Incredible Hulk" or "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde"

So on top of the contacts debacle, I started thinking so negatively. "28...2 years to 30...I'm going to be 28. All my classmates and friends back in the U.S. were married and with jobs by 24 and have kids now. What have I done?!? Nothing!" Also the thoughts fat, old, ugly and uncool haven't left my head for weeks and I'm tired of feeling fat, old, ugly and uncool!!!!!!!

But today I am going to set myself straight! I am going to stop being negative and feel sorry for myself and to be honest, I have achieved some things!!

For example, I learned Spanish, Dutch and German. Yeah I might not be able to speak them well anymore, but since I have already learned them, RE-learning will be easy if I ever decide to!

I am learning one of the hardest languages in the world: Mandarin Chinese. Granted, it is taking me longer to learn than it did Dutch and German, but hey! I'm loving it! I want to be fluent! How many of my friends back home has tried to tackle Chinese? Not many I'm sure!!!

My time in Amsterdam wasn't really wasted. Not only did I help my mom and stepdad out, but I also got a TINY bit of experience. The women at the non-prof that I worked for in 2005 took me under their wing and taught me everything about being a professional woman in the business world! I learned how to network, give professional presentations and deal with clients. My only regret is not staying with them longer!!!!

I also got some great PR/Marketing?Selling experience at the Australian Bar.

What have I accomplished in Taiwan??

Well, I finally learned how to be independent. I have a job, an apartment that I pay for MYSELF, I budget my money, I travelled to Green Island by myself, I am doing some traveling like I said I would and even though I don't have a Masters yet, I am going to work hard to achieve that goal and am already starting by looking up schools.

As far as marriage and kids go...sometimes I feel the pressure about getting married. I see the couples by the Art Museum getting their pictures taken...the Taiwanese brides in adorable pink wedding dresses and the Taiwanese men looking so smooth and cool... and I think that it will never happen for me. My Chinese teacher even told me that I'm "unlucky with men" which doesn't help me get rid of my theory of never getting married.

BUT...I'm not ready for it yet. There is so much I have to do before I even consider marriage!

And Boyfriend...he's not ready either. He has a LOT he has to do as well... He has to sort his life out, just like I am still trying to do with mine. So, it's OK.

It's better for us to take our time and not rush. There are so many people(women) who rush into getting married because of 1. the PRESSURES: age, peers, family, cultural norm and 3. We get too excited thinking about our dream wedding!

And once they do get married...it falls apart. I don't want that...I want a stable marriage..well... as stable as it can get-haha!

Anyway, that is depressing me again and that is NOT the point of this blog! The point of this blog is to say that I'm fine! So I am going to put on dance music (TMF Radio on iTunes-I miss Dutch dance music radio stations), get on that step machine and pump some endorphins in my blood so I can stop being a whining depressed baby!!!

At least I am getting away for my birthday! Kenting with Boyfriend...it will be so much fun!! With or without contacts in my eyes :)