The Choices We Make and the Research We Must Do

I was a little down before my classes today. I haven't had a chance to do more research on the YL extension to the CELTA course but as I plan my lessons I feel less and less confident.

I STILL make the same mistakes as I have a few months ago...and although I've gotten into the routine for the most part, I still don't feel comfortable teaching grammar. There are still so many things that I have problems with.

The Chinese teachers are AMAZING with the technicalities and rules of grammar. I, on the other hand, choke when I see a timeline or have to explain the present perfect tense.

A few weeks ago I was teaching a higher level class (which are GREAT kids and I have so much fun with), but a grammar problem came up and my co-teacher had to explain it, but when she left the room one of the students asked me how many languages I spoke to which I answered, "German, Dutch and Spanish." Needless to say their eyes popped out of their head when I told them but that is neither here nor there. So then I asked why and he then asked if I could speak so many languages, but how is it that I don't know my grammar.

He wasn't being mean, he was just asking ( I know this because he a good kid)...and it hit me hard!!

Of course we are hired because we are native speakers of the language and speak naturally, but are all the other native speaking teachers like me?

I spent February to July trying to re-learn the English grammar and for some reason I have forgotten it all!!!!

So here are my choices:
1. Take the YL extension to the CELTA course, but have no money next year for a scooter, possibly a better apartment as well as having to put aside NT$12,000 a month out of my monthly salary and no travelling, no social life, etc, etc, etc, etc.
*Pro: One step closer to being a better teacher, MORE confidence, one step closer to the DELTA in 3 years, EXTRA experience, one more addition to my CV, plus this would mean I travel to Singapore, Malaysia or Thailand (which I've never visited before) and...
*** EXTRA GRAMMAR PRACTICE***

or

2. Don't bother with YL extension till possibly the next year and have money for a scooter, license, social life, travelling around Taiwan, a better apartment and etc.
*Con: Still suck as a teacher, STILL shite with grammar, LOW confidence and still have the inadequate feeling, plus no extra-outside training and experiencing a learning/experience plateau.

Well, I can't expect anyone to make my decision for me. I need to do it on my own, but I just wanted to vent about it. I need to do MORE research-that's the bottom line.

On a different note:
I forgot to mention that I tried Stinky Tofu this weekend which I have been saying I'd try for MONTHS now and here is my take on it:

OK, so you know when you are talking with someone and they have somewhat bad breath,not necessarily overwhelming but just enough to make you wanna turn your head...???

It tastes like that...

So needless to say, I'm not a fan...sorry!