Minerva Rising

" If the Sun and Moon should Doubt/ They’d immediately Go Out.”

- William Blake

My self-esteem is growing more positively as is my motivation to achieve my career goal (among MANY other of my goals).

As a woman, I have been thinking and this is also thanks to the American Doll Posse, that I really do believe in Goddesses, but there are pieces of them in each and every woman. Some women just hide the others and accentuate only one. I feel that we should be attune with ALL of the Goddesses that live inside of us.

For example, one girl might have a couple Greek Goddesses like Aphrodite and Artemis as well as an African or even Egyptian Goddess like Isis as well as a Celtic such as Rhiannon.

Maybe I am committing blasphemy but I think there is a Persephone that I have been accentuating since I was a child, but my Athena and Guan Yin are starting to have their say.

Most of you who read this will think this is obscurely abstract BS(which seems to be my persona lately), but I know there are women out there who feel the same way, otherwise we wouldn't have these songs, albums and books about it!

I am finally starting to feel more at peace, although not completely. I still get upset at things such as the loss of friends (and yes, even family) due to cultural adaptation after living abroad. The mutual interests you all once shared are lost in the many wide gaps of time, communication, age and once again, cultural differences and adaptation. It's as if you live on Mars. I want so bad to stay connected with my friends back home, but when I try to make contact, I get very negative vibes or no responses(which also bring on negative vibes) that says, "You have been erased from my mental database. Everything you say to me is obsolete."

It makes me wonder if I should still even try to stay connected or in contact? I miss them so much, and even though I may never go back, they are still my friends and I love hearing about what is going on in their lives, even if I am not there physically.

I never meant to hurt their feelings, which is another sense that I get from them. As if to say, "You're the one who left, you don't care about your friends so why should we even try?"

Sometimes, you have to leave your friends and family behind to search for yourself and make YOU a better person. You need to love yourself(truly) before you can love others. And sometimes, you need to know when you're friends want to rinse themselves clean of you and move on. I guess now it is that time.

This isn't meant for one person individually, this refers to all of my friends and family. It is a phenomenon that I have been dealing with for the past couple of years and have decided now is the time to write about it, since I am making the decision to move EVEN farther away (not Mars, though...not yet anyway). Apparently, I am not the only one in this position which is morbidly refreshing. This sort of thing happens all the time, and I have to learn to let it go.

“There is always a piece of fortune in misfortune.”

- Japanese Proverb